


Altered Reality

by Flawedwinchesters



Series: Mental illnesses [1]
Category: Supernatural, Supernatural RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety Attacks, Caring Castiel, Caring Gabriel, Castiel Loves Dean Winchester, Confused Dean, Confused Jensen, Dean Has Issues, Dean Has PTSD - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Dean Has Self-Esteem Issues, Dean and Mental Health Issues, Dean-Centric, Demons, Destiel - Freeform, Eating Disorders, Gen, Greenville, Hurt Dean Winchester, M/M, Married Richard and Jared, Mental Illnesses, Mental Institutions, Monsters, Older Sam, Other, Protective Castiel, Protective Gabriel, Protective Sam, Psychiatrict Misha, Richard and Misha are brothers, Sabriel - Freeform, Sad Dean Winchester, Sam is older, Sam isn't related to Dean, Schizophrenic Dean, Supernatural AU - Freeform, Trickster Gabriel, biggest plottwist in the universe, plottwist, psychiatrist!cas, scared jensen, slowburn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-26
Updated: 2018-04-23
Packaged: 2018-11-19 08:19:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 14
Words: 16,158
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11309436
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Flawedwinchesters/pseuds/Flawedwinchesters
Summary: “She's got eyes of the bluest skiesAs if they thought of rainI hate to look into those eyesAnd see an ounce of pain”I hum quietly. This part reminds me of Castiel.He’s got the bluest eyes that are like an endless sky, I can get lost in them. But when he’s sad, it’s almost if they are like rainy days.But why doesn't Castiel remember me? And where is Sam?





	1. Prologue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This work is inspired by Dreamweaver by the amazing Mayalaen.  
> https://archiveofourown.org/works/5532761  
> I have read Dreamweaver a bunch of times and I really recommend that you do too (:
> 
> I'm writing this book with small parts of Dreamweaver in mind, my own experience and the help of Google (I wouldn't survive without it). If there are any inaccuracies, feel free to let me know. 
> 
> This is the prologue to Altered Reality, I hope everyone likes it :)

Life for the Winchesters hasn’t been easy.

They would be the last to deny it. Both Winchesters, the angel, and the archangel had been to hell and back, for some quite literally. After the Apocalypse, Sam and Dean thought they would get their lives on track again.

Cas finally took matters in own hands and asked Dean out.Gabriel and Sam were already dating, and finally, it felt like the puzzle that was called their lives, was completed.

It all started out pretty smooth. They bought a house in the middle of the woods, away from all the stress from the city and hunts.

Gabriel and Castiel had saved enough money to last a lifetime and Sam and Dean took a break from hunting.

Yet, Castiel and his big brother decided to look for a job where they could help people. A hospital came as a solution. It came in handy that the angel and archangel went to uni to study for psychiatrist and doctor. They needed to do something while they spent their time on earth, didn’t they? Castiel was hired to work for Greenville Psychiatric Hospital as a psychiatrist to help the mentally unstable. Gabe was hired for the same hospital but as a doctor.They told Dean and Sam that they should rest and take it easy while they were at work. The angels wanted their boyfriends to recover from the hell they called the Apocalypse.

Life was relatively easy.

That was until Deans nightmares started.At first, they thought it was a Dreamweaver, but after time passed and they tried everything, from African Dreamroot to heavy duty sleeping pills, it became clear that the nightmares were originated from a deeper point.

Recovering from the Apocalypse certainly wasn’t as easy as Cas and Gabe imagined.

At a certain point, it must’ve been almost 2 years after the Apocalypse ended, Dean started having ‘nightmares’ during; daytime. Sam slowly broke because he saw his big brother, his only family, suffer. This wasn’t what the archangel and the angel imagined when they thought about recovering. It seemed like everything kept getting worse.

After a lot of time, Sam, Gabe, and Castiel made a decision.

A decision that would change their lives once again.

Their reality is twisted.    


	2. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hell won't leave Dean alone. Not when he is asleep and not when he is awake. Luckily enough his boyfriend and brother make things a little better for Dean.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Deans nightmares will be written in cursive

_I wake up in a dark room, pain everywhere._

_“Well hello there Dean-o”_

_I know this taunting voice. Alistair._

_I open my eyes, soaking in my surroundings._

_I’m in a cheap motel room, tied to the bedpost._

_“Sam!” my voice sounds hoarse._

_My brother is tied down to a chair, knocked out cold._

_“Hurting you isn’t much fun. Hurting you while hurting your brother, on the other hand, is like watching my favorite film.”_

_“No! No! Sam wake up! You b*tch, leave him alone! Hurt me all you want, but don’t hurt my brother!”_

_Alistair appears behind Sam, a knife perched in his hand._

_He snaps his fingers, and the familiar feeling of the hooks in my body startled me._

_I’m too focused on Sam to feel any pain._

_Alistair grins, “let’s get started, shall we?”_

_I try to scream, but I can’t seem to produce any sounds._

_The demon slowly drags the knife across my brother’s cheek._

_I try to get the restraints to loosen, but it only makes the hooks dig deeper into my flesh._

_I need to save Sammy, I need to._

_Alistair just laughs and moves the knife towards Sam’s wrists._

_“What would happen if I cut here?” “You fucker, you wouldn’t dare!”_

_The man laughs and pushes Sam’s head up. My brother seems so peaceful._

_“Watch me, Winchester.”_

_The knife slowly makes its way into my brother’s left wrist._

_I go wild. “No! Stop! Please, I’ll do everything!”_

_Alistair doesn’t listen and makes the knife go deeper._

_Blood starts seeping out of the gash._

_The bloodstream becoming thicker with every inch the knife moves._

_“Stop, please, you’re killing him!”_

_I see Sam’s breathing becoming more rushed, his chest moving up and down quicker, almost like if he’s choking on something._

_“Stop! Leave him alone!”_

_Alistair just laughs and continues._

_My brother is dying, and I can’t do anything._

_The pain of the hooks slowly gets the best of me, and I feel myself losing the battle with unconsciousness._

_“No st-...”_

_\----------------------------------_

“Dean, Dean wake up!” I shoot up panting, sweat dripping from my face. Someone pulls me into their arms. Cas. “Hey it’s okay De, it was just a dream, just a dream. I’m here, it’s okay, you’re okay”

My chest feels tight and my head feels like it’s going to explode. I hear the door open, “He’s okay bro?” it’s Gabriel. I feel my boyfriend nod, yet Gabriel doesn’t leave. His hands grab mine, effectively stopping me from unconsciously scratching myself, while Castiel grabs my chin. “Dean we’re here. Focus on my voice. You’re okay.”

I focus on Castiel whispering sweet nothings in my ear. Slowly I become more aware of the world around me, and the position I’m in.

I’m pulled half against Castiel’s torso, with his left leg keeping my legs down, probably because I kept moving.

He must be uncomfortable. I let out a shaky breath and lean my head against the angel’s chin.

Whilst I was calming down, Cas and Gabe apparently started a soft conversation, in a language I couldn’t quite understand.

I just sit there and listen to a conversation I can’t understand. I don’t have to be a rocket scientist to know it’s about me.

I push myself off of the bed and stretch. A dizzy spell suddenly hits me, and I lean against the wall. Without seconds, I feel both angel and archangel by my side. They both grab one elbow and guide me back to bed. “I-I just want a shower Cas. Let me go, I’m fine.”

The blue-eyed angel sighs. “I’ll go get Sam.” Gabriel leaves us alone to get my brother. I don’t know why, but he always knows when I need my brother. And I need him right now.

“Dean,” I look at my boyfriend, “do you want to talk about it?” I shake my head and groan, just wanting to forget what happened in my dreams. Castiel doesn’t read my mind, he wants me to open up about my nightmares by my own.

I’ve had the same nightmare ever since I got back from hell. I could handle it at first, but now it keeps getting worse.

Alistair haunts me. Everywhere I go, he goes, and he ruins my nights by taunting me with nightmares.

Since a while ago, Lucifer joined Alistair. I thought Alistair was horrible, but Lucifer won’t shut up. He keeps distracting me by saying offensive things about anyone and anything.

“Hey, Dean.” Sam’s voice sounds gentle. I look up, tears welling up in the corner of my eyes again.

Sam slowly pulls me into his arms, careful not to startle me. As soon as I push my head into the nape of his neck, I start crying.

I hear Cas leaving, probably to join Gabriel downstairs. Sam pulls his hand through my hair and kisses the top of my head.

“You died Sammy, you left me.” My brother sighs, “it was just a dream Dean, I’m here, I would never leave you, never.”

I just sniffle, trying to calm myself down.

Sam probably hates me, I am a burden, an anchor holding him and Gabriel down. Not to think about poor Castiel.

He wants the best for me, he’s giving me everything, and he even got a job to support us if necessary.

He said he doesn’t want me to work, or to do anything. He just wants me to rest, and even more with the nightmares that are now taunting me.

I know there is something wrong with me, but I am not going to the doctors. I will get through it, I don’t need any help.

Everyone in this house wants to help me, but I don’t want them to. They’ll only worry more than they already do, and they don’t deserve it.

“Dean, you’re with me?”

“Uh yeh, yeh I’m here, I’m here.” My voice sounds distant to me like it’s not my own voice.

Sam doesn’t sound too convinced, but he leaves it.

“Let’s get you to the bathroom ey?”

I nod and let him lead me towards the bathroom.

This feels so weird. I am supposed to take care of Sammy, I’m supposed to be the big brother, not the weak and vulnerable brother.

I let Sammy down, again.

If my baby brother hates me, he sure does a good job at hiding it.

Sam sets me down on the toilet lid and starts the shower.

I feel like he wants to start a conversation, but he knows I’m not in the mood. And to be honest, I’m doing my best to shut Lucifer out.

Why can’t my head give me a break?

“Let’s get you undressed shall we?” I nod and let my brother undress me.

As soon as I’m fully naked, I step under the steaming hot shower.

Sam knows I’m totally out of it. Normally I would’ve made a point about him being with me while I’m naked under a shower.

I let the water run over my head, the tension slowly escapes from the muscles in my shoulders.

Sam watches me intently, ready to jump into action when something goes wrong.

He hands me a bottle of shampoo and leaves me to do my thing.

As soon as I turn off the water, a towel attacks me and rubs me dry.

I’m quite happy that I don’t need to do anything because I’m exhausted.

My tall brother redresses me in clean pj’s, I don’t know where he got them from and leads me back to my bedroom.

Well, Cas’s and mine.

He lays me on our bed, and adjusts the pillows, propping my head up a bit.

When he walks towards the door I croak out a soft ‘stay’.

I don’t know if he heard me or not, but apparently, he did. He turns around and lays down next to me on the comforter.

“Go to sleep Dean, I’m here, and I won’t leave.”

I hum sleepily and slowly doze off.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *waves* so, the first chapter :)  
> please let me know what you think, and feel free to point out any errors that I may make 
> 
> Bye!


	3. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean gets some time to think while going for a grocery run

I wake up the next morning, feeling slightly disoriented. Sam isn’t next to me anymore, so I assume he’s downstairs eating breakfast with my boyfriend and his archangel.

I stretch and yawn, slowly getting out of bed.

The bathroom is my first destination. I splash some cold water on my face and spray some deodorant under my arms.

As soon as I get the feeling that I look-and smell-decent, I make my way towards the kitchen.

“Goodmorning Dean, how are you feelin’?”

I squeal-very manly of course-and turn around quickly.

“Cas, you bitch” the angel of the lord still didn’t learn that when you sneak up on them, they get startled.

“I am sorry De, I will try to remember to not startle you.”

I let out a shaky chuckle, “thanks, Cas, I appreciate that.”

Cas pulls me into his arms and rubs my back, feeling that I’m still a bit upset from the activities from last night.

After a few minutes of just standing there, and enjoying each other's presence.

The look on the angel’s face is serious. He always looks a little serious, but he looks dead serious right now.

“Something wrong Cas?” the blue eyed man in front of me shakes his head, but not in a convincing manner.

“Ah.” I make my way towards the kitchen, “Gabe, what’s for breakfast?”

The archangel turns around, an apron tied around his neck and taille. In his hands is a plate of scrambled eggs with bacon and French toast.

I grin, take the plate and sit on the chair that stands next to my brother.

While I eat my breakfast, there is an awkward tension that lingers through the air in the kitchen.

I don’t feel the need to talk and apparently, the other three men think of it the same way.

“What are we going to do today?”

Please don’t ignore me, please don’t ignore me.

“Uhm,” Cas clears his throat, “Gabe and I need to deal with something at work, Sam is going to the library to look for some information on a new recipe we are going to try this evening. Gabriel already made a grocery list so if you could do the grocery shopping today?”

I nod, “Sammy, you need a lift?”

My brother shakes his head, “Gabe and Cas will drive me, don’t worry.”

For some reason, I don’t like the way the guys act, but I can’t quite put my finger on it.

I finish my breakfast and get my wallet and the list that Gabe made.

“I’ll be back soon guys!”

I grab baby’s keys and make my way towards the front porch where she’s parked.

As soon as I turn on the ignition, Guns ‘n Roses’ Sweet Child O’ Mine starts playing.

I turn the volume up and maneuver the car off of the porch.

_“She's got eyes of the bluest skies_  
_As if they thought of rain_  
_I hate to look into those eyes_  
_And see an ounce of pain”_

I hum quietly. This part reminds me of Castiel.

He’s got the bluest eyes that are like an endless sky. But when he’s sad, it’s almost if they are like a rainy day.

The thing I absolutely can’t stand is seeing Cas in pain. It’s the worst, maybe even worse than seeing Sam cry.

I do not want to make him sad in any way, that’s why I sometimes think of leaving, but then I remember that he will be more hurt when I leave.

 I am still so afraid that he will leave me one day though, and that I will be alone.

There are so many reasons why he would leave, but the most logical one is that he can’t handle my nightmares.

I can’t help having them, and he knows that, but I know he hates seeing me suffer without him being able to help me since I won’t let him use his Grace on me.

I arrive, park the Impala in the back of the parking lot and walk inside of the convenience store.

Gabriel’s list is one of the longest lists I have ever seen.

He literally needs everything from eggs to cayenne pepper and from milk to small licorice drops.

I wonder what that dude is making. If it’s gross, I’m not eating it. Sam will probably eat it, but only because he doesn’t want his boyfriend’s feelings hurt.

For an archangel, he’s a pretty okay cook. He only likes to try too many new things, things I had never heard of before.

I have to admit that his cooking can be good sometimes though.

I grab a cart and ditch some bottles of orange juice into it.

While humming some songs, I keep adding things to my cart, sometimes because I want to and not because it was on the list.

I am a fully grown man, I can buy things for myself, right?

Oh, the newest version of _Busty Asian Beauties_ , that’s going to come with me.

                                                                                   -----

The line for the checkout is way too long to be funny.

And of course, just my luck, there’s an old lady that forgot her pin code in front of me.

I breathe in and out slowly, calming myself down.

30 minutes later I’m finally done with a total of almost 200 dollars.

I wonder what the guys are up to. I’m going to ask them why they were behaving the way they did this morning.

Castiel is just a big softy so he’ll probably tell me when I ask for an answer the second time.

Sam and Gabe are both stubborn and not as much of a softy as Cas is.

Must be a personality trait Gabe picked up from Sam.

Sometimes I still agree with the whole ‘angels are dicks with wings’ thing.

Michael and Uriel are the best examples of dicks with wings.

They sometimes come over to watch a game or play some poker with us.

Both angels and archangels don’t have any sense of humor, at least not a good sense of it.

I still remember that Cas told me that Uriel was one of the funniest angels. Like no way, even the top of my pinky toe has a better sense of humor than the angel does.

The drive back home consists out of a lot of AC/DC and driving recklessly. Two things I love the most, well next to my boyfriend and my brother of course.

Gabriel still didn’t prove himself to be love worthy. He’s still a huge dick sometimes, but I accept him because Sammy loves him.

I am such a good brother, I should get an award.

I really need to stop talking to myself too, it’s becoming weird and annoying.

                                                                  ---------------------------------

Apparently, the guys decided to stay home, because when I entered the house, they were sitting around the supper table with a shitload of papers surrounding them.

“Uh hey?” all of their heads shoot up quickly. They all have a startled look in their eyes. “Hey Dean, we didn’t expect you to be home this early.” Sam looks at me with apologizing eyes and rubs the back of his neck.

“Well, this is my home too. What’s going on guys, you’ve been acting weird since I woke up this morning?”

Their heads turn back down and I sigh.

Well if they want to play it this way, it’s fine by me.

I ditch the grocery backs in the kitchen and make my way towards my room.

I pass a mirror and I gasp. I truly look horrible, there are huge dark blue bags underneath my eyes, my eyes look dull and my hair probably gave up on me.

Now I know why the lady behind me looked at me like I was death itself.

Maybe I look even worse than death.

Sometimes I wonder what I would be if I was a supernatural creature.

I pull my hand through my hair and sit down on the bed.

Even if I’m not tired, a nap always sounds good.

Plus, the guys are too busy with being mysterious to even care about what I do.    

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudo's and comments are always welcome :)


	4. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Destiel date night is always a fun but rare occurrence.

“en… Dean”

I feel someone shaking me lightly.

“What’s wrong, is it morning yet?” the person chuckles.

“Not quite, Castiel sent me to wake you up and to inform you that supper will be served shortly.”

I open my eyes and see the archangel staring down at me.

I push myself out of bed, stretch a little and run downstairs.

The smell that lingers in the air is magnificent.

“What’s for supper?”

Sam is already seated at the table, a plate full of something good looking in front of his nose.

As soon as my butt cheeks hit the soft cushion of the chair, a plate just like Sam’s appears in front of me.

My eyes meet the eyes of the person that gave me the plate.

“Thank you Cas,” I give him a kiss, “and Gabe, this smells great. I wasn’t too thrilled when I had to buy the ingredients but you made something that smells okay with them, so I’m content.”

The archangel smiles proudly when Cas pats his shoulder in a proud way.

Sometimes I wish that Sam and I would have such a strong bond, but then I remember my ‘no chick flick’ rule.

“The entrée is an hors d’oeuvre. Just a plate of small appetizers. For the main course we have a shrimp paella and as a dessert, we have a molten white chocolate lava cake.”

Gabe hits Sam’s hand when it reaches for one of those hors d’oeuvre things.

“It looks great!”

Both angels take a seat and start handing out the entrées.

Supper goes by quietly and I’m waiting for the right moment to ask about today’s activities.

Sam and Gabe seem to have quiet conversations.

“Guys, what’s been going on. You’ve been acting weird and avoiding my questions about it.”

Castiel sighs, “Don't worry Dean, don’t worry about it.”

The look in his eyes makes me believe him.

I nod slowly and look at my brother and his boyfriend. There is a pretty sexual tension between the two of them.

Gabriel is practically drooling all over Sam.

“Get room guys.”

I don’t know how long they have been waiting to hear me say that, but as soon as the words left my mouth, they’re gone.

 

                                                                      -------------------------

Castiel and I clean the table in peace, stocking the leftovers in the freezer.

Castiel suddenly grabs me by my hips and kisses behind my ear.

I smile and turn around, gently kissing the most perfect guy in the world, after me, because admit it, I’m pretty darn close to being perfect.

“Let’s go out for ice cream.” I chuckle, “is it because you want to have a date or because you don’t want to hear Gabe fucking Sam.”

He taps his chin as if he’s thinking. “Well, you tell me, Winchester.”

I let out a loud laugh. “Because we are having a date.” I nibble on his earlobe, knowing it turns him on.

I am gonna pay him back for that one time he got me hornier than ever before, and then left me hanging.

That’s exactly what I’m going to do tonight.

Payback time.

I keep kissing him, letting my hands roam over his chest.

“Dean, I want to fuck you so bad..”

Castiel sounds desperate, I grin and shake my head.

“Don’t think so Novak, we are going on an ice cream date.”

I grab my leather jacket and my keys, waiting for Castiel to follow me outside.

It takes him a few moments but he’s finally standing down next to me. His face is flustered and by the look of his face, he isn’t too pleased with me.

“Payback’s a bitch Cassie.”

If looks could kill, I would certainly be dead.

“I accept it, but just this once. Next time you are mine.”

I blush and grab his hand.

Not many people expect it, but Castiel is the more dominant one in our relationship.

“Let’s go get our ice cream shall we?”

 

                                                                    -----------------------------   

When we arrive back home, I am almost ready to pass out.

Apparently, there was a fair in town where Cas wanted to take me, so we spent 5 hours hanging around and enjoying ourselves.

This night was pretty perfect.

Cas must’ve noticed my exhaustion and guides me towards our room.

“Go to sleep Dean, I know you don’t want to yet, but I’ll protect you, no matter what.”

He kisses my forehead and drapes the comforter around my body, making sure I’m comfortable.

“Thank you for tonight Cas, it was perfect.”

He smiles happily, “it was no problem Dean. I enjoyed it quite much, and it seemed like you did too.”

I nod in agreement and give my boyfriend one last kiss.

“Goodnight. I love you.”

“I love you too Dean, no matter what happens.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you think :) School starts again next week so the updates will probably take longer. I hope you guys enjoyed (:


	5. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam wants to go to Stanford and leave Dean behind. Dean is far from happy with his 'little' brother's decision and isn't afraid to speak up.

The next morning I wake up, feeling refreshed. I didn’t have a nightmare which is perfect.

I wonder why though because I have been having them non-stop for as long as I can remember.

Castiel is still asleep so I make my way downstairs.

Sam and Gabriel are sitting on the couch while they are watching a documentary about what seems to be about Thomas Edison.

“Seriously guys, could you possibly be more boring?”

Sam almost falls off the couch and gasps for air when Gabriel’s elbow hits his ribcage.

“Dean fucking announce yourself jerk!”

I grin, “bitch”

I snatch the remote away from Gabriel’s reach and turn on Dr. Sexy MD.

My brother and his boyfriend groan while I sigh in content.

There is no better way to start a morning than to scare and annoy your brother and his lover, and then watching your favorite TV show, with a cup of lukewarm stolen coffee in your mug that your brother stole.

I love my life.

Midst the second episode, my boyfriend comes stumbling in.

His hair looks truly horrible.

Cas walks over to me and plops down onto my lap.

I scratch his back softly, knowingly it will wake him up a bit.

We sit there in silence for a while, watching the TV show.

Nobody really feels like making breakfast so we decided to go out.

 

                                                                    ---------------------------

When we got back home, there was a letter for Sam laying on the doormat.

We always open each other's mail, so that’s exactly what I’m going to do now.

Castiel carries in some of the groceries he bought.

Sam and Gabriel decided to go out today, having a day for themselves to do whatever they desire.

I open the letter with a knife and pull the piece of paper out.

I fold it open and I feel the air getting thicker immediately.

_Stanford University_

_May 2017_

_Dear Sam,_

_Congratulations! It is with great pleasure that I offer you admission to the Stanford University Class of 2021._

_Your thoughtful application and remarkable accomplishments convinced us that you have the intellectual energy, imagination, and talent to flourish at Stanford. Among the over 20,000 applications we read, your distinguished record of academic excellence and personal achievement stood out. We are thrilled to welcome you to the Stanford community and look forward to the unique and extraordinary contributions we know you will make to the intellectual and extracurricular life of our campus._

_The exciting next step is now yours. As Stanford is probably only one of several options you will consider in the coming weeks, I hope you will use the time to learn more about us. We invite you to participate in Admit Weekend 2017, a three-day program that will introduce you to the intellectual vibrancy and dynamic campus life that define Stanford. Information about that event is enclosed. Whatever decision you make, we ask that you complete the enclosed enrollment response card and return it to us by the postmark deadline of June 6, 2017. Should you decide to matriculate at Stanford — and we sincerely hope you do — we will send enrollment information to you in late June._

_While we have every reason to believe you will complete this school year successfully, remember that your admission is contingent upon your continued strong academic performance in the program you presented to us in your application._

_Once again, I extend my congratulations on your admission to Stanford and welcome you to the Stanford family._

_Sincerely,_

_Anna Marie Porras_

_Director of Admission_

 

                                                                     ---------------------------

I just stare at the letter in disbelief.

Sam didn’t even tell me he wanted to go back to Stanford. Gabriel didn’t tell either and he probably knew about it.

Castiel takes the letter out of my hands and ditches it on the kitchen table.

“He wanted to tell you, Dean, he really did, but he knew you wouldn’t take it so well.”

I shoot him an angry glare that could shoot him into daggers.

He doesn’t care and continues. “We hoped that Sam would be home when the letter came. He was really excited and wanted to tell you himself. He is really excited Dean, you need to understand that.”

I swallow thickly and ball my hands into fists.

I can’t handle this.

“He should’ve told me, he’s my baby brother, I should know those kinds of things!”

I hit my head on Castiel’s shoulder, “he is leaving me again Castiel, and he didn’t even care to tell me.”

His blue eyes are full of empathy.

“He loves you so much Dean, he just wanted to wait for the right moment to tell it to you.”

My boyfriend leads me to the couch and pushes me down.

“Sit. Stay. I am going to make you a cup of coffee and then we can talk about this.”

No way, I am going to call the motherfucker and tell him what I think.

As soon as Castiel leaves the living room, I run upstairs and grab my cell phone.

At moments like this, I am happy to have Sam on quick dial.

After hearing the stupid ‘beep’ for four times, he finally picks up.

“When were you going to tell me eh?!”

“Wow Dean calm down, what’s wrong?”

I take a deep breath, trying my best to not get too mad.

“You know what’s wrong Sam. You are going to Stanford and you didn’t tell me.”

I hear a sigh on the other end of the line.

“I was going to tell you, Dean, I really was. I was just waiting for the right moment to tell you.”

“That’s a load of bull Sam, and you know it. You were going to leave me again.”

“De... Listen. I really want this, and I thought you said you want me to be happy.”

I hear Gabriel quietly asking for an explanation.

“So you aren’t happy now?”

Sam groans.

“That’s not what I said.”

“That’s exactly what you said Sam. I can’t believe that you’re such an egocentric sonofabitch.

“Dean just calm down okay. I really was going to tell you, I really was.”

“Save it, Sam, I don’t want to hear it. Don’t you dare to talk to me ever again? I don’t need you anyways.”

After those words, I end the call and smash my phone into the wall.

I feel the need to get really drunk, but I have a feeling Castiel is not going to let me.

Speaking of the devil. He comes into our room carefully, 2 mugs of steaming hot tea in his hands.

“You okay Dean?”

I nod and shake my head at the same time. I can’t handle this again.

The angel hands me my mug and sits down on the floor, his back resting against the side of our bed.

I pace around the room, telling myself to breathe and to calm down.

After what feels like ages of pacing, I slowly sink down next to Castiel, who looks at me with a worried expression.

I chug my tea and lay my head on his shoulder.

My hands find him and he squeezes them softly.

It’s his way of reminding me he’s there for me.

“Let’s go to bed really early tonight.”

I nod, not having much energy left.

“Yeah let’s do that, seems like a good idea.”

I am so glad that Castiel finally understands that some subjects are meant to be left alone for a while.

This subject is one of them.

We both get into our makeshift pj’s- some old band Tee’s and sweatpants- and crawl into bed.

The angel pulls me close to him and kisses the top of my head.

“Goodnight Dean, tomorrow will be better.”   

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading everyone!!!
> 
> p.s; pleaaase leave some feedback in the comments :)


	6. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam is dead. Gabriel is dead. Dean's world falls apart until it doesn't.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feed me some feedback :) And to everyone that gave this story a chance, thank you so much!!

 

**Chapter 5**

I wake up because of my cell phone ringing. I look at the clock and see that it is fucking 2 am.  The person that’s calling me better has a damn good reason for doing so.

“Hello?” my voice sounds groggy.

“Hello? Is this Dean Winchester I’m speaking to?”

“Depends, what do you want?”

I’m not really a person that can act happy when they wake up abruptly.

Cas in the meanwhile woke up and looks and me with an expectant face.

“Oh sorry, I forgot to introduce myself. I am Jasmine Matthews, a nurse for Glenwood State.”

 

I stiffen.

 

The woman continues though.

“The reason I’m calling is that of Sam Winchester and his friend. He is your family right?”

 

I drop the phone. No way, there must be a mistake.

My head is working over hours.

I run towards Sam’s and Gabe’s room and gasp.

Their bed is empty.

I thought they would be back by now.

I run downstairs and check if their car is on the front porch or not.

My heart starts beating a hundred times quicker when I don’t see Gabe’s car.

I open the front door and step onto the sidewalk, looking over the road, looking for a car.

Any car would be okay right now.

The road seems eerily quiet though.

 

“Okay Dean, calm down, maybe Sam hit his head against a doorpost while walking into a motel room.”

I keep softly muttering to myself, trying to stay positive.

I walk back inside and close the door.

I return back to my room, anxiety striking me.

Castiel apparently picked my phone up and continued the conversation.

His blue eyes are dark like a rainy day, filled with concern and worry.

His concern matches mine.

 

We both know something is wrong, and Castiel is probably being told what’s wrong exactly right now.

The conversation between my boyfriend and the nurse carries on for a few minutes longer, Cas seemingly becoming more distressed with every second that passes.

After what feels like ages, he finally pushes the red button on my phone and lays it on the bed.

 

“Dean.” His voice sounds heavy with sleep, but the concern is the clearest.

Normally I would’ve found it sexy and appealing, but right now, it worries me.

“You should take a seat.”

I do as he says and looks into his eyes.

It is very clear that he is trying to stay calm for the sake of my me.

 

“Sam and Gabriel apparently went out after your call. They went cruising with Gabe’s car after they had some drinks.”

This doesn’t sound too bad, but I already don’t like where this is going.

“A drunk driver hit their car and smashed them against a tree. The police say they didn’t stop for the red light, and that the other driver was consuming a bottle of Jack’s while driving. He was distracted and didn’t notice them on time.”

He pauses and swallows thickly.

“They didn’t survive. Gabriel died on the spot, and Sam died on his way to the hospital.”

My heart stops for a second.

 

He must be joking, there is no other way. That is the only explanation.

I just look at my boyfriend in disbelief.

I didn’t know that angels who chose to be on earth could die. This must be a sick joke from all of them, I’m not stupid.

“Cas. This is NOT funny.”

Castiel looks at me, pity in his eyes.

“I am not joking around Dean.”

 

I can tell it is hard for him to handle his emotions.

 

I jump to my feet and start pacing around the room. I feel utterly useless.

I am supposed to protect my brother, and I failed.

I failed Sammy, the only family I have.

Sammy promised me he wouldn’t leave, he got accepted to Stanford and now he’s dead.

He can’t be dead, this must be a nightmare.

I have to wake up, I can’t anymore. 

The mirror seems so punchable.

 

Before I can stop myself, my fist makes contact with the cool surface of the mirror.

I hear it breaking, glass shattering onto the floor.

I don’t feel the pain.

Castiel pulls me into his arms, keeping me pushed against him.

I start sobbing, soaking his shirt with salt tears.

We slowly sink down onto the floor.    

It’s like the flood all over again.

The tears keep coming and I just can’t calm down.

I failed, I failed, I failed.  

                                                 --------------------------


	7. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A nice shopping trip to Ikea for new furniture turns into something darker after a phonecall.

“Dean, come on, wake up!” Something cold is being dragged across my face, effectively waking me up from my sleep.

“Dead. Sam is dead, where is he?” I feel so disoriented, nothing makes sense anymore. I look at my knuckles, checking for any injuries that may be present after I destroyed a mirror and the wall. There is no blood, or any sign of injury, at all. Castiel must’ve healed me, there is no other way.

Two warm hands grab my head, holding it still. “It’s okay De, I am here, and I am still alive.” Huh? I thought he died, he died with Gabriel in a car crash, I heard it myself. The nurse told me. “Dean, it’s really me, look at me, I am here.” “you died, you left me.” Thumbs wipe away the fallen tears on my cheek.

“It was just a dream De, I’m still alive, and so is Gabriel.” I open my eyes and look at the person holding my head. Sam. “I doubt you mind Gabriel died though.” My brother chuckles and I let out a small grin.

“You’re here.” “Yes I am Dean, I won’t leave, I promise.” I nod and push my head into the crook of his shoulder. “You’re okay now Dean?” I nod again, “let’s go get breakfast moose.” “Alright squirrel.” Sam helps me out of bed, and immediately I run downstairs, the smell of cherry pie hitting my nostrils.

Pie in the morning is the best thing in the world.

Homemade pie is like heaven, and I believe I am going to heaven this morning. “Good morning guys!” Gabriel almost drops a carton of milk. “Geez Dean, good morning to you too. What’s got you so happy?” “The smell of homemade pie in the morning did.” I wrap my arms around my boyfriend and kiss his cheek. “Well good morning to you too Dean.” He smiles and I grin.

Today is going to be a good day. The nightmare I had is long forgotten and my pie is waiting for me.

“What are we going to do today?” “I thought about doing some grocery shopping, and maybe for some new furniture.” Gabriel is up to something, I can feel it. Apparently, Sam can too, because he glares at his boyfriend with a knowing look on his face.

“And where would you like to go furniture shopping Gabriel?” Ah, Castiel knows too. Gabriel’s eyes sparkle, “Ikea.” He absolutely loves Ikea. I believe we have dozens of those little pencils and maps laying around the house. He may be an archangel, but he certainly doesn’t act like one.

“Not going to do that Gabe.” Gabriel pouts and hits Sam’s arm. “Why not? I am a grown man that has been on earth for thousands of years, I can most definitely handle an Ikea like a grown man.”

We all know that that isn’t true. Gabriel’s inside trickster always makes an appearance while we are at the Ikea, that’s why we stopped going there a long time ago. His trickster self absolutely loves changing the color of the furniture, and the texture. Last time we went there he even made the whole second floor like a ball pit. Gabriel knows how to get his way though, and within five minutes we agreed on going to the mall and the Ikea after that.

“If you don’t behave, Gabe, I swear I’ll call Michael, even Father for that matter.” Castiel looks at him with a stern face, making clear that there will be no messing around this time. Gabriel is the oldest in our household, but Castiel certainly acts like he is. Sam nods as a way of confirmation of what Cas just said.

“Well let’s get this delicious pie into our stomachs!” I almost moan when the flaky crust enters my mouth. The taste is almost too good to survive. Castiel and Gabe smile happily, knowing that they did well. I find myself checking if Sam is still across the table from time to time.

The nightmare left an impression that I know won’t fade in a while.

\---------------------------------

We are sitting in the Impala right now, and me being the good boyfriend I am, let Cas choose the music.

For some weird reason, he chose to listen to Bon Jovi. He normally doesn’t like it, but okay. As long as he’s happy, I’m happy. I smile and grab his hand with my free hand. Gabriel and Sam are almost fucking each other on the backseats. Sometimes I wonder how 2 old men can be such horny rabbits.

“Guys quit it, you’re ruining my view in the rear-view mirror.” “You don’t need to look at us Dean,” Sam smirks, “you perv. I knew you liked watching us.” Gabriel high-fives Sam, looking quite surprised at the remark Sam just made.

I am quite surprised myself I must say, I never expected Sam to be this salty. It’s probably just his horny boy hormones that got the best of him. I slip the Impala into the nearest parking spot I could find, wanting to get away from the horny couple. “Guys, we went to the Ikea for Gabriel, and now you are not even interested anymore.”

Castiel doesn’t look amused and mojo’s their clothes back on. “Let’s go, and Gabe, remember what I said.” Both guys nod. “Understood sir!” We grab a cart and make our way into the Ikea.

“I want new lamps, new pillows, scented candles, new doorknobs, some picture frames, vases, and silverware.” I groan as I hear Castiel’s list. “Sam and I will be going for the beds. Bye!” Before Castiel can even blink, they disappeared. Gabe, why did you leave me alone? Why have you forsaken me? Castiel grumbles something under his breath and grabs my hand.

“Well, we’ll make this shopping trip fun ourselves.” I try to act like I’m going to enjoy this trip for the sake of my relationship with Castiel.

“Don’t worry Dean, we are not looking for those things, I wanted Gabe to leave us alone so that we can skim through the Ikea without worrying about Sam and Gabe.” I smile, “smart move Cas, but they will fuck up the Ikea anyways.” The angel nods, “but we won’t be responsible for them this time.” I lay my head on his shoulder and let him guide us through the Ikea. My life is perfect. *ringtone goes off* “Wait, I’ll be right back Cas, I need to take this one.” I walk into a corner filled with lamps.

“Hello?” “Dean?” “Ellen?” “Yeah, it’s me. Listen, I need your help.” Her voice doesn’t sound happy like it normally does. “What’s wrong? Is Jo hurt?” “No, yes, I mean no. I need your help with a hunt. Jo got ill during it, and I can’t leave her alone.” I hear her sigh on the end of the line. “I can’t get a hold of Bobby and you were the last one in my contact list. 

“What are we talking about?” “A trickster.” Of course, those bloody tricksters ruin everything, even a day at the Ikea.

“Where?” “2-hour drive from your home. It’s throwing parties to attract victims in an old factory.” I nod, even though she can’t see it. “Alright, I’ll do it. Tell Jo I said get well soon.” “Thank you Dean, and don’t be a stranger.” “I won’t, bye Ellen.” “Goodbye Winchester.”

I walk back to my boyfriend and kiss his cheek, showing him that there is nothing serious going on. “I need to go, Ellen needs me.” I don’t tell him that it’s about a hunt, he’ll never let me go. “I’m going to take the Impala, you can take angel air?” He nods and looks at me with a knowing look. He doesn’t push it though.

“I love you.” I give him a quick kiss on his cheek and run towards the exit and towards my Impala.

This is going to be fun.


	8. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam, Castiel, and Gabriel all worry about the oldest Winchester, but can they help him?

Sam I look at Gabriel with a worried expression on my face. It’s been a while since Dean and I quit hunting.

Well since I quit actually.

Dean is haunted by nightmares about Crowley, Alistair, just Hell in general. “It’s okay Sammie, he’ll be back soon.” Dean left for a hunt in Indiana two weeks ago, whilst Gabe and I were pranking the Ikea. To say that I’m worried is an understatement. “I should’ve never let him go. He’s mentally unstable, and we let him go for a hunt.” I wrap my arms around the blue eyed angel.

“It’s okay Cas, we all let him go. And you know him, he probably is getting hammered right now.” Little white lies never hurt anyone. The biggest problem is that we don’t know what the hunt was about, and what the damage could be. Ellen told us it was on a hunt, but didn’t go in on the details. Gabriel kisses my head and gets Cas and I a cup of coffee.

We probably all look like a mess.

“I am done waiting, I’m going to look for him.”

Before I can even process what my brother's angelic boyfriend said, he’s gone.

“Fuck!” Gabe almost drops the mug, and I can see that he’s getting ready to take off too.

“Not without me Loki.” He likes it when I call him that, it’s kind of cute, to be honest. “We are going to take your car.” He looks mad and worried at the same time. The archangel knows that I want to come with him to look for Dean and Cas just as bad as he does, but teleporting us both with his Grace is impossible.

Gabriel can’t exactly go back to heaven to recharge. He nods in defeat and grabs the keys to his ’78 Lincoln. It wasn’t his car until Cas gave it to him as a present. The original was for Gabe and me to buy a car for ourselves so that Dean and Cas would both have a car. The two of them having cars came in useful when baby almost crashed because her motor was overheated.

Dean refused to ride in the so-called ‘pimpmobile’, so Cas bought another car and gave his car to us. I open the door to the passenger’s side and sit down. Gabriel is already ready to take off. The road is quiet and very awkward. We both feel guilty, we’ve not exactly been good brothers. We’ve been kind of busy with ourselves and didn’t notice Dean and Cas struggling.

Cas struggling because Dean was having a hard time with his nightmares and his hallucinations, and Dean struggling with making Cas upset. So Dean reverted back to one of the coping mechanisms that always worked for him.

Stupid me.

“Don’t beat yourself up about this Sam, we were both wrong, we should’ve been there for them.” I take his free hand and hold it, holding back the tears that are threatening to spill. “Cas and I both work in a loony bin for that matter, we should have given him medication and helped him.” I sigh deeply. “Gabe, you and I both know that Dean won’t accept help in any way, not even from Castiel.’’

My boyfriend nods and focuses back on the road. I know he is trying to be strong for me, but I know that he’s worried about my brother, and his little brother. “We are going to find them, and get Dean the help he needs.”

There is a small problem though, I don’t even want to talk about it with Gabe, he will only stress about it. I make a mental note to ask him and Cas about his opinion. We just got to make sure both men are okay and safe.

Speaking of that, “Gabe, are we close?” “I think so, I can sense Castiel’s Grace from nearby.” We drive for another few miles and Gabe parks our car at the entrance of the woods. “We can take angel-air from here.” I let out a chuckle and shake my head, but before I can say anything the world disappears and then reappears.

I gasp at the sight. Castiel is holding my brother in his arms. “Oh my Father, what happened Castiel?” Within moments both Gabriel and I are by their side. “I found him wandering around, it was like he’s sleepwalking, but he was talking,” Cas takes a deep breath, ”it was another hallucination.”

I look at my big brother, tears in my eyes and my throat feeling horrible. “Whatever he hunted, it got to him and sent him into an almost catatonic state.” “Will he be okay?” Gabriel pulls me into his arms, kissing me softly. “We can try to fix him Sammy, but he needs to get more help than just Cas and I.” I give him a weird look. Cas scrapes his throat.

“What my brother means Sam is that we need to take Dean to get hospitalized.” “WHAT?! No, he’s staying home with us!” Gabriel’s wings suddenly surround me, calming me down. “In the hospital, they can monitor him and make sure he’s taking his meds, and that he is not in any danger Sam.” I sniffle, “but we can do that at home too Gabe. I can’t let him go.” My boyfriend pets my head softly, “I know Sammy, but it’s for the better. And Cas and I both will make sure that he’s okay.”

I hum softly and nod. “Let’s get back to the car, Cas, you go to the Lincoln, Sammy and I will take the Impala when we find her.” Castiel nods and carefully hauls my brother into his arms.

Dean’s face is scrunched up, like he’s in pain, or having a nightmare. He’s always been a quiet sleeper so it’s no surprise that he’s making almost no noise. The only time when he talks or screams in his sleep is when he has night terrors.

I didn’t even notice we reached the Impala. “I am so worried Gabe.” He gives me a sympathetic smile, “I know Sammy, I know. It will get better, I promise. Cas and I will make sure of it. The ride back home goes smoothly, and as soon as my boyfriend takes the key out of the ignition, I bolt towards the front door.

Dean is situated on the couch, wrapped up in blankets. His angels are sitting by his side, stroking his cheek.

“How is he Cas?” The blue rainy eyes meet mine, “he’s the same. Damaged, but the same.” I nod. “Gabriel will check his vitals, and after that, we’ll have to decide what we are going to do.” I swallow thickly, I already know that it’s going to be one of the worst talks ever.

My brother’s life is in my hands.

Literally.


	9. chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean gets a panic attack and flees.

“Sam, wake up, Dean needs you.” 

Gabriel and I head butt because I shoot up too quickly, not realizing that my boyfriend is hovering over me.

“Ow, sorry Gabe.” 

I remember why he woke me up in the first place.  
I jump out of bed and make my way towards Dean’s bedroom, where I assume he is.  
The sight I’m greeted with is just awful.

Dean is thrashing frantically. 

My heart aches, my brother is hurting, and there is nothing I can do to help him.  
I slowly sit down next to him and grab his hand.

“De, De come on wake up.”

He accidentally hits me in my ribcage and tears start running down his cheeks.  
“No! No! Go away!” 

Castiel enters the room, a wet cloth in his hands.  
The blue-eyed angel approaches us carefully, “he needs to wake up Sam.”  
I want to make a sassy remark about him stating the obvious, but I contain myself and keep quiet.  
The angel gently dabs the cloth onto my brothers face.

It takes a few minutes for Dean to wake up from what I take was a horrible nightmare, possibly a night terror.  
He starts hyperventilating, setting me and Cas for another problem.  
I sit him upright and lay his hand against my chest.

“Breathe with me Dean. Come on, focus on the beating of my heart.”  
It’s so hard to see my brother suffering this way, but I have got to stay strong. For him, he would have done the same for me.  
I am actually repaying him now that I think of it.  
All my life, he took care of me, and now it’s my to return that favor.  
Castiel keeps running the cloth over Dean’s face and chest softly, effectively cooling my distressed brother down.  
After what feels like ages, his eyes finally flutter closed again as Dean slips into a deep sleep. Hopefully a peaceful one.

Castiel helps me tuck him in and follows me downstairs.  
As soon as I sit down on the couch, I feel the tears that star running down my cheeks.  
Gabriel sits down next to me and runs a gentle hand through my hair.  
“It’s going to be okay Sammy. I promise.” Cas hands me and my lovely boyfriend a cup of tea and sits down on the chair in front of us.

“Gabe, why do you sit like you have a branch up your arse?”  
The archangel almost drops his tea and spits out the tea he had in his mouth.  
“What?!”

I laugh loudly at Castiel’s comment.  
“Oh my God Castiel, where did that come from?”

The angel blushes. “Dean taught me that when people sit really up straight like Gabriel just did,” my boyfriend immediately slumps more into the couch, “when they do that, they have a branch up their arse, although I am not sure how he would be able to sit if he had one stuck there.” 

I almost die of laughter, Gabe doesn’t find it that funny though. “Come on Gabe, it’s funny!”  
He lets out a chuckle, “if you say so. I was proud of my ability to sit straight, but now I’m embarrassed.”  
“Let’s watch a movie guys, I don’t feel like going to bed tonight.” 

Cas and I nod and watch Gabriel turning on the TV, looking for a movie that we can watch.  
We settle with the Wolf of Wallstreet because it has Leonardo DiCaprio and is full of sins.  
Not really something angels would choose to watch, to be honest, but it’s fun.

We all grab a beer and enjoy our time together, checking in on Dean from time to time to make sure that he is still sleeping peacefully.

When it is around 4 am I hear a loud ‘fuck’ coming from upstairs.  
Within seconds both Gabriel and I stand next to Castiel in his and Dean’s room.  
Dean is gone. His bed is empty. 

“We didn’t hear him leave. When was the last time we checked, what happened?”  
Cas starts rambling, clearly blaming himself for Dean’s disappearance.  
Both the angels are both still exhausted from using their Grace to find Dean so that isn’t an option.

“I’m taking the Impala, Cas take the Lincoln, Sam stay home and wait if someone calls or if he returns. We will take our cell phones to stay in touch.”  
I am so glad that Gabe takes the lead on this one, I am too worried to think straight, and I can imagine that Castiel feels the same. 

There is no room for words. After Gabriel is done with speaking everyone immediately jumps into action. Well, everyone but me.  
“I’m going to make some phone calls to tell people to look out for him. God may know what state he is in.”  
Castiel and Gabriel run outside, snatching the keys with them, leaving me behind.  
I grab my phone and dial Bobby. 

I start pacing around the room, hoping that he will pick up. 

“’Ello?”

“Bobby?” I let out a sigh and run my hand through my hair. 

“We have a problem.” 

“What did you do ya idjit? Did you kill someone innocent? Or accidentally crashed baby and now Dean is mad at you and you need a place to stay?”

“Uh well, Dean kind of is the problem.” 

The end of the line is quiet. 

“What’s with the boy?” 

“He has been having night terrors and hallucinations from time to time. He recently went on a hunt but didn’t come back,” I try to hold back my tears, “we found him and he was so weak and scared.”

“Oh Sam, I am sorry.” 

“That is not the biggest problem Bobby. Dean disappeared. He was asleep while we were watching a movie and then Castiel went to check up on him, but he wasn’t in his bed.”  
I hear Bobby sigh and I know he’s rubbing his temples. 

“Okay kid, I’ll look out for him, keep me updated. I have to go now, Ellen is waiting for me.”

“Thanks, Bobby.”

“Bye kiddo.”

Now all I can do is waiting and hoping that Dean will be found. 

I sit down on the couch again. I put my head in my hands and sigh deeply, letting the tears spill freely. We were supposed to lead a new life without any shit happening to us, but if I look back, hunting was easier than living this life. 

I lean back and close my eyes, hoping that I will wake up and find out that this is all a dream.


	10. chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jared and Gabriel live together with Misha. Everything goes well for them until Misha meets someone new at work. 
> 
>  
> 
> So this is where everything changes. If anyone has any questions about it, feel free to ask me. I think everything will be clear when the story evolves.

I wake up because of the sun shining in my eyes. Normally I would curse the sun, but today is kind of nice.  
Gabriel calls me a vampire for hating on the sun that much, but he and I both know that I’m the coolest vampire on earth.  
I kind of look like a vampire in some ways if I am completely honest, not the Bram Stoker vampire, but more of a Stephenie Meyer one.  
Pale, sparkly and sexy as hell.

Just kidding I am not that cliché. Gabriel is though. He likes to call himself Bella Swan. Weirdo.  
Someone pokes my cheek. “Open up your eyes sleeping beauty.”  
As soon as I open them, I see Gabriel staring down at me. “Good morning sunshine,” he kisses the bridge of my nose, “how did you sleep?”  
I stretch and smile, “I slept great. I had a bit of a weird dream, I can’t remember it though.”  
“You probably dreamt of me,” I sigh, already knowing where this is going, “you dreamt of my perfect body and personality.”  
“Gabe fuck off.”

My boyfriend chuckles and kisses me. I gladly kiss him back. My morning is already perfect, even though Gabriel annoys me, like always.  
“Where’s Cas?” 

Castiel is Gabriel’s brother who lives with us for the time being. It isn’t like he can’t afford a house on his own, it’s more that he works a lot and that it’s hard to keep a house clean and cook for yourself when all you do at home is sleep. 

He works at Greenville, which is a psychiatric hospital. He is a psychiatrist, one of the best as some may say.  
Gabriel works there too but as a nurse. He is not that good at talking about feelings and all. 

I kind of want a brother or sister too, being raised an only child was kind of boring. Well, I was raised as an only child until I met Gabriel when I went to high school. We practically lived at each other’s houses. 

He asked me on a first date when we were 14 and from that moment everything went upwards. I met Gabe’s brothers, who immediately became my brothers too, and geez there are much of them no joke. 

There is Michael, Lucifer, Anael, Chuck and then Castiel, the youngest. Gabe hates his parents for naming 4 out of 5 children after some angels.  
“Cas is still at work, last night a new patient arrived and apparently it isn’t an easy one.”  
My boyfriend smirks, “you know what that means right?”

“Karaoke breakfast!” 

It’s something we started doing when we got our own home. Castiel doesn’t really appreciate it so when he is at work or out with friends.  
I start our karaoke list and grab a spatula, hitting my boyfriend’s fine ass with it.  
He wiggles it and laughs.

“Laaaaaast Christmas I gave you my heart!”  
“Geez Gabriel, you killed my ears. My poor ears.” I rub my ears in an exaggerated manner and pout.  
Gabriel giggles, yes he giggles and it is the cutest thing ever and kisses my ears. “Kisses make it all better.”  
I kiss him back and smile. 

All of a sudden, the smoke detector goes off. “Fuck!” Gabe and I look at each other for a short amount of time, “we forgot the pancakes!”  
Gabriel runs off to get the fire distinguisher while I try to save some of the pancakes, which is a lost cause by the way. 

“Hurry your ass up Novak, this damsel in distress needs to be saved.”  
Soon he comes running in with the red fire distinguisher perched in his hands.

It takes like a full 15 minutes to get the smoke away and another 20 minutes to clean the kitchen.  
“Worst breakfast ever Sam.” I nod in agreement, “we are never going to do breakfast karaoke again, okay?”  
“Okay.”

“Let’s just drive by the diner down the road and order some pancakes there.” I suggest, “and let’s pray that they know how to do breakfast karaoke without the place almost burning down.”  
As soon as I finish my sentence, Castiel stumbles in.  
“Breakfast?” He looks utterly exhausted.

“Yeh, we are going to the diner down the road, want us to take some of it home?”  
He nods, “I’ll be in my room. Goodnight.”

With those few words, he tries to get upstairs without breaking his back and throws his door shut.  
“Must’ve been an exhausting shift.”

Gabriel nods and takes my hand.  
“Let’s go get some unburnt breakfast, Sammy.”  
\----------------------------------  
As soon as we get inside again, we go quietly.  
“Is that your brother?”

The sound of a chainsaw swells on.  
Gabriel snorts, “I think so.”  
“How can he possibly snore THAT loud?” I let out a laugh and follow my boyfriend upstairs, probably towards Cas’ room.  
Gabriel shrugs and slowly opens the door, trying to be as quiet as possible.  
As soon as the door opens, the snoring gets louder. 

“Doesn’t his throat hurt?”  
“I don’t know, but I know that I can make fun of him with this, I can even blackmail him or even bett…”  
“Gabe shut off your prankster thoughts, please. Your little brother is clearly exhausted and we are going to make sure he keeps being fine instead of blackmailing him or something. Deal?”

He sighs, “Okay boss.” He salutes, which makes me groan.  
Gabriel can be such an arse.  
I close the door again and guide Gabe downstairs.

“Let’s make some coffee, watch some Bram Stoker’s and wait for Cas to wake up to hear about his day?” I nod.  
I sit down on the couch and grab a blanket.  
Gabriel sits down between my legs and hands me a mug. 

“I love you, Gabey.”

My boyfriend spits out his coffee. 

“Gabey?!” I pat his back, “seriously Sammy, Gabey!? Oh my God!”  
I blush and kiss him to shut him up.  
“Fuck your Novak.”

“Fuck you too Wesson.”


	11. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean gets a flashback and Jody Mills comes into view, maybe she is the one that can help the oldest Winchester.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Plottwist

_ Dean/Jensen _

_Sam and I are on a hunt in Indiana where a coven is situated. We are currently sitting in a crappy diner somewhere in the middle of nowhere, because I may be the Righteous man, I still need food._

_Whilst I order our breakfast, Sam goes to the restroom to do his business._

_“Finally, I was worrying that you got drowned in the bowl or something.”_

_“Jerk.”_

_“bitch.”_

_“By the way, I ordered an avocado salad for you because I know how much you appreciate your greenies.”_

_I add a quiet ‘rabbit’ to my sentence._

_“I am not deaf Dean, and I like to take care of my body instead of poisoning it with greasy food like some others do.”_

_I take a huge bite of my cherry pie and decide to ignore my brother’s statement._

_Breakfast goes by quietly and soon we’re on the road again._

_“You got everything ready?”_

_My brother nods, “we need to go left in a few miles and then we’ll be at the warehouse where Bobby said the coven was.”_

_Soon we pull up to the very abandoned warehouse that gives me the creeps. Maybe because there is a bunch of witches in there, but we will never know._

_“Castiel is up to date on the situation?”_

_Another nod. “He said he’s watching out for Henriksen.”_

_“Good, let’s kill some sonofabitches.”_

_Sam kicks the door open, clearly not expecting anything else to be inside than the coven, instead of the FBI team._

_“Freeze!”_

_I drop my duffel bag and turn around, ready to run for my life._

_I soon notice that that plan won’t work._

_“I said freeze! You are under arrest for suspicion of murder, kidnapping and other illegal proceedings.”_

_I try to get to Sam but within no time, my face is pushed into the floor while my hands are cuffed behind my back._

_I start thrashing around to get to my brother, who is knocked out._

_“Let us go! We did nothing wrong, you have nothing to us!”_

_I feel a pinch in my thigh._

_“What the fuck guys!”_

_I always knew that there was something wrong with the FBI, and now I know what._

_Castiel._

_Fucking Castiel._

_He must’ve set us up because there is no way that he didn’t notice Henriksen’s squad._

_Maybe they caught him too._

_My head starts feeling really fuzzy and I feel the world slowly drifting away from me._

_\-----------------------------------_

_“Wake up!” I thought that Sammy knew not to wake me up._

_Wait. Wait a second._

_The voice swells on again, “Wa..”_

_“I’m up, I’m up.”_

_I take in my surroundings. I’m in a holding cell again._

_Oh yeah, I remember, hunt gone wrong._

_“Get ready for interrogation.”_

_I look at the guard with a weird look on my face._

_“Interrogation?”_

_“Yes. Are you stupid or something?”_

_Wow. Don’t get your panties is a twisted man._

_“We did that yesterday, and the day before that, why again?”_

_Before I get the chance to say anything, the guard pulls me onto my feet and guides me towards our destination._

_I notice that the environment that we were in doesn’t look like a police station or FBI building at all. Today is the first day I really notice my surroundings for some weird reason. My head also feels a lot more clear._

_The guard pushes me onto a chair and attaches the chain of the handcuffs to a railing that is attached to the table, effectively making sure that I’ll stay in the room and seated on the chair. I proved that I won’t run so I still don’t know why he keeps cuffing me._

_After five minutes a woman enters the room, I didn’t really see her before so I think she’s not from a_

_“Hello Jensen, how are you today?”_

_I must’ve lost my mind because wow, she is hot AND she is nice._

_“Where is Henriksen? I’m Dean, not Jensen”_

_The woman laughs, “he said he’d like me to talk to you better.” She totally ignores my statement about my name._

_Something is definitely off, he only interrogated me the first half of the first day I was here._

_I know for a fact that Henriksen would kill to interrogate me or Sam so I don’t understand why he wouldn’t._

_Talking about Sam, “where is my brother?”_

_“He isn’t here.”_

_I groan and lean my head on my hands. I haven’t seen him in ages._

_“I’m going to need to ask you some questions, Jensen.”_

_“Why would I answer? You don’t even remember my name”_

_“Because I’m letting you see your brother if you answer the questions truthfully. It is really important that you tell me the truth okay Jensen?”_

_Is she really that stupid that she can’t even remember one name?_

_“Deal.”_

_She smiles and sits down on the chair opposite of mine._

_“Let’s start with the beginning. Are you Jensen Ackles?”_

_“No, for the third time, I am Dean Winchester, and Sam Winchester is my brother. Get it through your thick skull woman.”_

_She writes something down on her clipboard and ignores my statement completely._

_“I am Jody Mills, it is nice to meet you.”_

_I know a Jody Mills, but there is no way in hell that she is the Jody Mills I know._

_“Jensen, you there?”_

_“Yeh, I zoned out I guess.”_

_“Alright, let us continue. The sooner we finish the sooner you can see your brother.”_

_\-----------------------------_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and comments motivate me :)


	12. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean gets dropped off at a psychiatric hospital without the knowledge why.

“Come on Jensen, we need to get inside.”

I wake up from my slumber.

We, as in the 2 nurses and I, arrived at some kind of huge building.

After the interrogation everything went quick, they injected me with some weird stuff and I don’t remember a lot from after that. The only thing I really remember is not fighting. I didn’t even get to see Sammy.

That’s how I ended up in the back of the car I am now.

“Jensen.”

“Yeh, yeh I’m coming.”   

I still make no movement. My head is way too busy soaking in the new information. I decide to let them call me Jensen, I’ll pick a fight about it later.

The buff guard apparently is done with waiting and grabs my left upper arm and pulls me out of the vehicle.

He cuffs my hands in front of my ‘parts’ and both guys grab an arm, guiding me towards the entrance.

The guy on my right side is holding a bag which contains my belongings. I see my necklace and my jacket. “I want my necklace back.”

“You can’t get it back.”

“Fuck you.”

The guard grins, “sure.”

They guide me towards the entrance where 2 new men are waiting for us.

They are both wearing some kind of scrubs and they both look tall. Not as tall as Sam, but still tall. 

“Welcome Mr. Ackles, we are Garth Fitzgerald and Mark Pellegrino, Mark is the main orderly here. And Garth helps Doctor Anderson with checking the new guys and is an orderly, just like me. ”

Garth gives me an expecting look. He already knows my name so why would I introduce myself?

I need to get my priorities straight.

 “Where am I?”

 “You’re at Greenville Psychiatric Hospital.”

Oh no. I’m 21 years old, I am too young to get locked up for the rest of my life.

Stay calm Dean, you can handle this.

“Why?”

Really? That’s all I could come up with?

“Because the Jody found you unfit for trial.”

“Trail?”

“Let’s go. Tom, you can hand me the bag, we’ll take him from here.”

 “We’re going to do a physical first and then we’ll get you settled. Sounds good?”

Garth makes it sound like I’ve got a choice, but both I and the guards know that I don’t have one.

“Your job is done here, tell Jody that I’ll call her soon. Thank you.”

The guards nod and release my arms, “uncuff him, Garth?”

The nurse looks at me, “are you going to give me trouble?”

I shake my head, “no I’ll be good I promise.”

Garth smiles and gives the guard a nod.

The smaller one pushes a key in the lock and frees my hands.

“Just follow us. Can I call you Dean instead of Jensen?” Garth smiles again.

Oh my god, finally someone who knows my real name. They call me a nutcase, but I’m sure that I’m the sanest one out of everyone here.

“Oh, by the way, Jake can you sign the paper that Marcus will give to you?”

The fact that I’m in a hospital, and that I’m getting a physical for the first time in ages scares me. What scares me the most though is the fact that I’m not even trying to fight, while fighting is in me.

“Okay Dean, we are going to do the following. We are going to the examination room, where I will do a small check-up and after that Mark will take you to your psychiatrist.”

I nod, it’s not like I have a say in it or something.

Mark and Garth guide me towards the examination room and set me down on a bed.

Two other orderlies enter the room.

That isn’t necessary at all, I wasn’t planning on fighting before, but I’m sure as hell not planning on fighting now.

“Take off your clothes Dean.”

I stay still.

“Do we need to get the orderlies to help?”

I shake my head quickly and start stripping.

Garth checks my heart, blood pressure, and other basic stuff.

It all goes pretty well until he wants to check my private parts and do a cavity search.

There is no way a Winchester is letting his cavity searched. No thank you very much.

“No.”

“Mark, can you assist me for a minute?”

“Sure thing. Dean comes on, lean on the bench. Do I need to hold you down?”

“No sir.”

I bend over and let Garths lubed finger enter me. It is literally the worst feeling ever, and I don’t know what feels worse, the fact that the lube is freezing cold, or the fact that another guy just pushed his finger in my hole.

I groan as I feel Garth's fingers go deeper.

“I’m sorry Dean, but I need to check everything.”

I stay quiet, not really in the mood to talk at all.

After what feels like ages, Garth states that he is done and that Mark can give me a quick tour before I have my appointment with my psychiatrist.

Mark gives me a bundle of clothes, “you can wear this, we’ll take your clothes. You can get them back as soon as you get out.”

I look at him gratefully. Now I know that Mark thinks I will get out, which probably means that I didn’t do anything wrong and that Mills lied to keep me safe from something. I don’t know why she would protect me though. Henriksen doesn’t have any evidence that would be enough to lock me up so she is technically fucking up my life even more.

I get dressed fairly quickly and cover my torso with my arms. It’s kind of chilly and it isn’t like the clothes I got are doing a very good job and keeping me warm.

“Done?”

I nod and let Mark guide me towards our next destination.

“This is the cafeteria. Each day breakfast will be served between 7 and 8:30 am, lunch will be served from 12 to 1 pm and supper will be from 6 to 7:30 pm. As you may see, lunch is served right now, but I don’t think that you want to eat right now.”

I shake my head, “no thank you.”

“Next destination is the common room, where most of our patients are now. The common room is where you’ll spend most of your time when you’re not in group or when you don’t have an appointment with your therapist or psychiatrist.”

There are two huge comfortable looking couches, a large television that is playing some kind of black and white film, some small tables and a bookcase that contains some worn put books and board games.

“Let’s get rolling Dean.”

I don’t even notice that I’ve been staring at my fellow prisoners for what feels like ages.

Mark next guides me towards a long hallway with approximately 10 doors, five on each side. He pushes me into the first door on the right. “This is where you’ll sleep during your stay. During daytime, patients aren’t allowed to be in their room, unless they got permission from an orderly.”

The main orderly gives me a reassuring smile, probably knowing how weird it must be for me.

“There is a schedule on your door with each day’s activities that you will need to attend.”

He lets me look around the room, taking in the new environment and information.

“Well, we’ve got to get going because your appointment with Dr. Stonehearst is soon. He strongly dislikes it when people are late.”

“Why am I here?”

I am quite surprised that I waited for this question until now.

“You can ask Dr. Stonehearst all of your questions, I’ll answer other questions you may have after your appointment though.”

“I don’t like it here.”

Mark smiles softly, “nobody does Dean, but you don’t really have a choice.”

I sigh and play with my fingers, a nervous habit that I recently picked up.

“Next on our grand tour are the bathrooms.”

He makes it sounds like some kind of city tour, where he is an over-enthusiastic city guide that has too much to show with too little time.

We walk towards the ends of the hallway and take the last door on the left. “This is where the bathrooms are, the showers are on your left and the toilets and sinks are on the right.”

It’s quite spacious, with baby yellow tiles and huge shower heads. I can already tell that the showers will feel a hundred times better than the stupid motel showers with 0 water pressure and only luke warm water.

“There is a box with disposable razors in here. Don’t get caught with a razor outside the shower, you’ll get to spend 24 hours on suicide watch.”

“Yessir.”

Mark looks at his watch and declares that it’s time for my appointment soon.

“One tip, don’t act up. First impressions are very important for Dr. Stonehearst so I advise you to stay calm.”

I snort, “easy to say.”

Mark brings me towards another floor level and knocks on a door on my left side.

“Come in.”

The orderly opens the door for me and pushes me inside. “I’ll be here when you are done.”

“Aren’t you coming with me?”

Mark shakes his head, “you’ll survive kid.” He closes the door behind my back, leaving me alone with my new psychiatrist. I don’t even know why I should need a psychiatrist, I’m fine.

“Welcome, Mr. Ackles. I’m Dr. Thomas Stonehearst but you can call me Thomas if you want.”

Thomas looks like he’s in his early thirties. He has light brown hair and gray-blue eyes. He would be kind of cute if he wasn’t a huge dick already.

“Take a seat, Mr. Ackles.”

“I’d rather stand on my feet.”

“I wasn’t asking. Please take a seat.”

I sit down on the nearest chair and sigh.

“Let’s start with the basics. Do you know why you are here?”

“Not really. One of the guards said that Jody woman saw me unfit for trial, but I wouldn’t know why.”

Dr. Stonehearst hums, “do you want me to tell you why you are here?”

“I suppose so.”                                                                      

\--------------------------------------------- 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kudos and comments motivate me :)


	13. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean discovers why he is admitted to a psychiatric hospital but coming to terms with it is hard.

“You are here because Dr. Jody Mills saw you unfit for trial. Mostly because you think you are someone else.”

“What trial?”

Technically I know which trial but I want to know what the Thomas guy knows. Henriksen probably lied his ass off his back to get me to go to trial. For some reason, I feel a little bit grateful that I am apparently unfit for it because I believe that it wouldn’t be exactly a fun thing to do, especially with a pissed of Henriksen. I don’t know why he gave me the name Jensen Ackles though, I mean come on, seriously? I expected a cool name like Chuck Norris JR. or something, not Jensen.

“You killed human beings.”

Doesn’t that guy know that they were not humans, but humans possessed by the supernatural?

“They weren’t human for fuck's sake. I’ve been trying to get that through Henriksen’s thick skull but apparently, he doesn’t listen. And I don’t know why Henriksen told you I’m Jensen, but I’m Dean, so it’d be delightful if you would call me by my real name instead of that weird name Henriksen made up.”

“What do you mean Mr. Ackles?”

“Just as I said, obviously. It’s Winchester by the way, not Ackles.”

He writes something down on his annoying clipboard.

“How so?”

I ignore him. There is no need to tell him why I would kill supernatural beings. If I did I would get Sam and maybe Cas into trouble too.

Apparently, the Thomas guy caught up with me ignoring him and started talking again.

“We have gone over your file Mr. Ackles and we made a selection of the medication that we would like you to start with. You will pick up your medication every day before 9.30 am and every night before you go to your room to get ready for the night. ”

“Woah woah, I don’t do medication, my man.” I let out a nervous chuckle and pull my hand through my really messy hair.  “And it’s Winchester for the last time.” The doctor in front of me must be either really stupid or he loves to annoy me, but for real, my aggressive tendencies aren't liking what the man is trying to do.

Dr. Stonehearst sighs, as if he is talking to a little child that won't listen to him, “it’s required, Mr. Ackles. So no matter if you don’t want to take them, you will.”

“No, I won’t, I don’t take meds doc.”

“It is your choice not to take them, Mr. Ackles,” his voice sounds like the one parents use when their children are being stubborn, “but you will take them, if not voluntarily, we’ll restrain you and give them to you.”

“Oh,” I probably look surprised, “okay.” I didn’t expect them to really force me to take them. I don’t even need medication for killing some ‘human beings’ and the other things that I apparently did and cannot remember. .

“We want you to start immediately so you’ll accommodate them and the hospital as quickly as possible,” I stare out of the window, “so when you’re on your way out, you can pick them up at the nurse’s station, where Mark will be waiting for you.”

I feel queasy, I don’t really want to do this, hell I don’t even want to be here. I am not crazy so I don’t need meds. Maybe I can break into his office at night and steal the evaluation that Jody Mills did so that I know why they think that I’m crazy.

Dr. Stonehearst goes through my file again. “There will be support group meetings every day. It would be nice if you would be on time and that you would participate, although it’s not required, it would be better if you did. It will be a very small group and it isn’t as bad as it seems now.”

I almost want to snort, me and talking to a group of people to talk about things that bother me or something doesn't mix. I've never been that big of a talker, but this is too much, and I'm betting that it would've even been too much for Sammy.

“Am I required to go?” the doctor nods and gives me a fake smile. This started off pretty bad, and I believe that it will get worse with time.

“You can find the schedule for your meetings on the door of your room.” The guy has a pretty emotionless face, next to the fake smile that he keeps flashing me. as of he wants to reassure me. “You’ll also be meeting with a Misha Collins, your counselor, three times a week and two times a week with me.”

“Why do I have so many meetings?” I feel really nervous for some reason, and my voice isn’t really steady either. “What do I need to talk about so badly that I need support group every day and that I need meetings 5 times a week.”

The doctor glances up and I can see a hint of sympathy in his eyes. He blinks a few time and the hint of empathy is gone.

“You’ll meet with me to talk about your medications because I’m the one that prescribes them, meeting with me twice a week is only until you get settled and feel like the medication I prescribed to you did their job. You’ll go to Dr. Misha Collins to talk about your mental health or other things that you need to get off of your chest. He will also be the one that gives the support meetings that you’re required to attend.”

As a Winchester, I’m not supposed to be scared, but my name is Trina if I would say that I’m not scared at the moment. The rebellion inside of me is going on full speed because there is no way in hell that I’m going to do any of the things he just told me to do.

“If you listen to what we say and if you try to stay out of trouble, your stay should be fairly nice.” I look at him as if he’s crazy. “I know that we’re not some kind of luxurious hotel, but please try to make the best out of it for your own good.”

This guy is the one that needs to be medicated, not me. “That should be all Mr. Ackles. Remember to get your medication from the nurse's station.”

I nod curtly and walk out of the door, slamming it shut behind me. I am not going to take my medication without a fight, he can count on that.”

I walk towards my room, deliberately ignoring the prominent nurse's station in the middle of the hall.

“Dean,” fuck, Mark saw me. “don’t you need to take your medication?”

I chuckle nervously and shake my head, “no, Dr. Stonehearst said that I could start taking them tomorrow.” I pray in my head that Mark believes the lie. I’m kind of glad after this appointment that Mark at least calls me by my name.

“I don’t think so Dean, come one just take them.”

I take a few steps towards my room, creating more space between me and the main nurse. I can always take a run for it if it should come to it.

“No thank you.”

“I need some help here!”

Fuck, now I’m screwed. I start running, I don’t even know where I’m planning on going, running just seemed like a really great idea. Notice the seemed. I lose my slippers in the progress and I know some guys are running after me right now. Turning around will probably slow me down, so I decide against it. I pass the common room and ignore all the patients that are staring at me. I have more important things to be annoyed about than a bunch of looneys watching me run for an orderly.

“Come on Dean, please just take your medication, we don’t need to do it this way.”

“Screw you!”

Just as the ‘you’ leaves my mouth, I feel that I’m being pulled towards the ground. Oh Chuck please save me.

One of the guards keeps me in some weird kind of grip. It seems like he will not let me go anytime soon. Why didn't Rose hold Jack like the orderly is holding me now. It's a fairly effective grip after all and there was enough space for them both.

Sam made me watch Titanic after an emotional hunt because he said I needed to have a good cry. I can summarise that evening for you in a short sentence. Sam cried, I didn't. The only thing that happened was that I got annoyed that Rose let go.

Mark comes into view with a syringe. “No! NO!” I start trashing in the guard’s arms. No way that I’m getting a shot. “I don’t want a shot!” Call me childish, but needles are my biggest fear. I would take a bunch of Jefferson Starships over needles every day. 

Another guard pulls my pants down and keeps my left leg still. “Dean just relaxes, it’ll be easier soon, just calm down now.” Mark’s voice is so calm, it almost makes me calm, until I feel the sting in my upper leg. “You fucker!” my voice is almost like a roar, “why the fuck did you do that!?”

Mark lays a hand on my head and looks into my eyes. “It’ll all be okay Dean, I promise.” My head starts feeling kind of cloudy, which annoys the hell out of me. “Go get a wheelchair and get his room ready.”

The sudden burst of energy I had before slowly disappears, leaving me sort of helpless in the grip on the guard.

“You’re okay Dean, you’re okay.”

The world keeps going blurry, and soon Mark and the guard lift me up and into a wheelchair. I get ready to push myself onto my feet again, to make a second attempt at escaping, but Mark’s left-hand pushes me down. “I wouldn’t try it if I were you.”

They bring me to my room and help me onto my bed. Before I even notice it, they start wrapping restraints around my legs, arms, and torso.

“What are you doing?” I slur sleepily, “we are making sure you’re not going to hurt yourself after you get your medication.” The word ‘medication’ is like a trigger for me because, within seconds, I start thrashing around again. The guards work quicker and pull some of the straps tighter. “Calm down Dean, do we need to put the head strap on too?”

“Let me go!” I completely ignore everyone around me, “I don’t need any fucking medication, I’m fine! Sam will get me out of here soon and he will sue you fuckers!”

Mark sighs, he seems almost disappointed in me. It’s impossible though, he doesn’t know me and it’s his job to make people suffer.

“You leave me no choice Dean, and Brad, please get the IV situated.”

Mark’s hand move towards my head, which I keep moving vigorously. He holds my head still and attaches some straps to each other over my forehead.

Meanwhile, the nurse/orderly that apparently is named Brad disinfects the inside of my elbow and sticks a needle into the disinfected area.

“Okay Dean, the medication will go into your veins through an IV, it may feel a bit cold in the beginning, but that feeling will wear off soon after.”

“No please don’t, I don’t need it please.” Tears are forming in the corners of my eyes and Mark looks at me apologetically.

Someone carefully janks my pants down and takes my underwear down with it.

“Fuck! What are you doing?!” I sound near frantic right now, which is exactly how I feel by the way. “I’m going to insert a catheter.”

“I don’t need it, Mark  please just let me go, I’ll take the medication, I’ll be good I promise please.”

The buff man ignores me and squirts some lube onto the end of the catheter. “Take a deep breath in.”

I do as he says and I wince when he starts pushing it in. That is literally the most uncomfortable feeling ever.

“This will keep you from wetting the bed since you will be pretty out of it for most likely the next twenty-four hours.”

I groan, can this be any worse?

“We are going to start you up on a pretty heavy dose to start with.”

“Mark please I don’t need this let me go, please Mark.”

He softly rubs my head.

“You’ll be okay Dean. Rest a bit.” Most of the nurses exit my room. “I’ll come to check up on you in a bit.”

“No! Don’t go! Please stay!” dad would say I sound pathetic.

Mark gives me a sympathetic smile and walks out of the door and closes it half way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this seems confusing for now, but it will get less confusing as I add more chapters.   
> In short, Jensen Ackles thinks that he is Dean Winchester, a hunter with a brother named Sam. He isn't though and that's a small part of what landed him in the hospital. I hope that it makes a little more sense now :)


	14. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean wakes up after a medicated sleep and starts thinking of a plan.

I’ve been going in and out of consciousness for what feels like ages, and I can finally feel my head getting clear.

Mark’s gaze meets my absent stare. “It’s good to see you awake Dean.”

I want to give a sarcastic remark but for some reason, my throat won’t produce any sound.

The orderly lays a cold hand on my head and sits down on a chair that is next to my bed.

“It’s been three days Dean, are you willing to take the meds without a fight?”

Three days already!? I really don’t want to take any meds but I’m seriously contemplating on whether taking them voluntarily is better than getting them administered this way.

I carefully nod. Mark sighs in relief, “thank you, Dean.” Mark seems like he just wants what's best for me. Maybe I shouldn't fight him so much. 

“Alright,” Mark stand up again and slowly peels of my pants and underwear, “I’m going to pull the catheter now Dean. It will hurt less than going in, but it definitely won’t feel pleasant.”

I give a curt nod and wince as he pulls it out with a brute force. “That doesn’t feel good at all.” Mark shows me a soft smile and starts undoing the restraint with the help from the Garth guy that I didn’t notice coming in.

He helps me sit up and then wheels a wheelchair towards the front of my bed. “I’ve got a wheelchair for you  because you will be a bit wobbly because of the drugs in your system.”  I feel the need to protest, but the orderly gives me a no-nonsense-look. 

After 3 minutes of sitting, I feel good enough to get myself towards the chair that waits for me. Mark wraps an arm around my waist. “Slowly Dean, you haven’t stood on your feet for a while.”

I groan and push myself up, Mark guiding me up in a gentle manner. The minute I stand on both feet, I feel my knees wobbling. I am not ready to give in to not being strong enough to walk, so I take a step in the direction of the wheelchair.

That most certainly wasn’t my best idea. My legs collapse and Mark and Garth need to catch my heavy body. I kind of feel bad for them, but hey, they were the ones that chose to lock me up because I wouldn’t take my medication.

The orderlies drag my heavy ass to the chair and flash me a sympathetic smile. “We’re going to get some food for you with sugar in it. Maybe that will help you a bit quicker.”

Garth leaves with a statement that he needs to use the loo because his bladder couldn’t handle carrying me.

Mark grabs the handles of the chair and steers me down the hallway. “Dean, I know the last days weren’t easy for you, but please remember that it was because you didn’t want to take your medication.”

I grumble a quiet ‘I know’.

“We can prevent it though. I know that some people have trouble with giving up control, and you are one of them. But really, the more you give in, the easier it will get for you. I promise you, Dean.”

“What will the medication do?”

I’m quite surprised that I didn’t think of asking that question before I went mad about taking them.

Mark chuckles, “I thought you’d never ask.” He steers me into what I recall is the dining hall. “They will definitely make you feel different but not as bad as what you went through in the last 3 days. If you feel like they are making you feel worse, definitely tell me, another orderly or Dr. Stonehearst. We don't want to make you feel miserable, even if it does seem like we do now.”

The large orderly parks me in front of a table, “wait here, I’m going to get some light food and then we’ll go back to your room where you can eat and rest.”

I sniff and pull a face. “I’d rather have a shower if that would be possible?”

Mark grins, “let’s not overdo it for today. You can have a shower first thing tomorrow.” He walks away towards what I assume is the kitchen.

I take a look around the dining hall.

 There are some people engaged in what seem to be very animated conversations with themselves, while others are quietly staring at their plates, or are talking softly to each other.

After a few minutes, Mark returns with a plate with jelly on it. He hands the plate to me and wheels me back through the hallway towards my room.

“I still don’t know if my legs want to carry me.”

“I’m still going to help you, Dean, don’t worry.” He places his hands under my armpits and helps me get to my bed.  He pulls my slippers off and sets them next to my bed.

“Thank you, Mark.” I give him a smile. He truly is nice and he doesn’t deserve me being mean.

“Lights will go out in a few minutes, so you can still eat your jelly if you feel like it.”

I nod and pull the blankets up to my chin.

Maybe this won't be so bad. If I act like I'm getting better they will release me. I will need to know why they think I am crazy though. Maybe Dr. Collins will tell me. 

I fall asleep in no time, and I don’t even notice the orderlies checking on me and closing my door around 10:15.


End file.
